Sore Ankle

SO recently my ankle has been giving me a little bother and I thought I would explain why.

In the summer of 2000 at Muskoka Woods I was teaching a football (soccer) class and we were having a match to finish off the week. It was a corner to the other team and the ball was crossed in. Being the huge figure that I am or the fact the ball came to me I jumped and headed the ball away. On my return to the ground I also took the weight of the person next to me as he had his arm on my shoulder. Down to the ground I went and ‘snap’ the ankle was gone. This may gross you out but I can vividly remember the sound of the bone breaking. Luckily my good buddy Tim Jebb was also there at the time and off he ran. Not because he was a wimp but rather cause he ran to radio the nurse. Lying there in the heap that I had just formed I was rather calm. I told one kid to run and get my inhaler, one to get me a bottle of water, some to take off their shoes and create a little pile of shoes that I could rest my ankle on and the others I sent to the tuck shop to get rid of them. Eventually the nurse’s cart came and with a little help from Tim and some other folks I was lifted onto the back of the cart.

It was lying in the Health Care centre waiting for the doctor to arrive that it hit me that I had actually broken my leg. When the doctor arrived he insisted on examining me. He grabbed my ankle and boy did it hurt. It was then that I was extremely rude to him. It was then that he injected me with Demerol. He won! I was out of it.

Tim and Mark Wallace were the lucky victims to take me to the hospital. I can’t remember the trip as I was off my face on the drug but talking to them later apparently it was quite the funny journey.

I arrived at the hospital and they refused to see me because I had no way of paying to be examined. Incredible!! Mark had to run out of the hospital and cash his pay check, come back and pay for me to be seen. As if I was in any state to remember to bring my Visa card.

After my operation they decided that they would teach me how to use crutches. Even though I had been using crutches for 4 days before I actually got the operation they took me down to the physio room. I insisted that I didn’t need to be shown, but they insisted that I did, and seeing that they were in charge of my dosage of Morphine I went along with them. They parked my wheel chair and gave me the crutches. I stood up and placed them under my arm. And that my friends is all I can remember because I blacked out because of the pain and the next thing I new I was back lying in my hospital bed. I had fainted and fallen on the floor. Good one hospital staff.

Leaving the hospital was possibly the sorest of my whole experiences. I was in my wheel chair with my leg extended out in front of me. A lady came to wheel me to the car. Not sure whether it is relevant but she was about 75 and I guarantee she doesn’t have her driving licence. And she shouldn’t have been pushing me to the car. As she swung the corner to leave my room she decided to look behind her and see if I had everything. What she didn’t realise was that as she turned she also turned the wheelchair. And you can probably guess that the result of my leg being jammed into the side of the wall brought many tears to my eyes. No matter how many time she apologised on the way down it didn’t make up for it.

A big thank you to Tim Jebb for all his help and special thanks to Mark Wallace for going on every single hospital trip with me, for holding my hand as I fell asleep and for holding my thigh when I woke up . Hold on here. Mark what were you actually doing. Lol. For trying to fit your whole body in one of the nurses small lockers. For putting on the gown with the ass missing at the back so that I wasn’t the only one wearing one, for getting caught being in the locker and wearing the gown by the nurses, for playing with all the instruments when the doctors left the room and most of all for just being you.

With a end result of 12 hospital visits, 1 operation, 1 night in hospital, 3 plaster casts, lots of Morphine and nearly $4000.00 spent this just proves why you need to get medical insurance. And I did. Thank you Endsleigh Insurance.

And that is why my ankle hurts today.

Broken Leg

Post OP

About to get plaster off for the first time since the operation.... exciting

Plaster OFF

Plaster off..... grosss

War wound

Skinny Leg

Wow look how skinny my leg is ! ! !

Something to think about

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If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?

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If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales looklike the way they do?

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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

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What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants?

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Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?

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Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

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If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?

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Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?

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Why do we push harder on the remote control when we knowthe battery is dead?

One thing I HATE ! !

There are not many things that I hate in the world. Tonight I discovered something that I hate.

I had a great bath and shave and everything was going so well. I put on some aftershave to get that stinging effect that makes you feel cleaner. I put on my clothes and headed to my room. Oh I forgot to put on some deodorant. I went back into the bathroom grabbed my spray, stuck it up my t-shirt only to find that I in fact hadn’t lifted my deodorant but I had actually lifted my Shaving Gel. Gross........ It is a new can of Gel so the speed that it comes out is quicker than the speed of light so by the time I realised what was heppening it was too late. I had to carefully take off my new clean t-shirt and clean up the mess. Not Impressed. I was covered.

Once again I prove that I must read the labels.

Worth a look

This is a website of a friend of mine. It is worth taking a look to read his article called Life in Belfast and Northern Ireland.

i have even been so kind as to provide you with a link. www.itsjaymac.blogspot.com

check it out and make sure you come back to pk's site

Toilet Talk

I need a new HERO !

It is a sad day in the life of a person when you have to consider changing who your hero is. For years my hero has been Andy McNabb. For those of you who don’t know about Andy McNabb I will tell you a little about him.

Andy McNab joined the infantry as a boy soldier. In 1984 he was 'badged' as a member of 22 SAS, and was involved in both covert and overt special operations worldwide. The motto of the SAS being Who Dares Wins. During the Gulf War he commanded Bravo Two Zero, a patrol that, in the words of his commanding officer, "will remain in regimental history forever."

He has been awarded the Distinguished Conduct Medal (DCM) and the Military Medal (MM), Andy McNab was also the British Army's most highly decorated serving soldier at the time that he left the SAS in February 1993.

He is also a known for being an amazing writer where he has written many books, Bravo Two Zero, Immediate Action are a few. I am not writing this to show you my knowledge of this guy (or that I know how to work Google) but rather what a great guy he is / was.

Yesterday I was reading the paper and I came across an article that has slightly tainted my view of him. He is now coming out with his own brand of clothing, not macho as you would think or hope but he has produced his own line of Ladies Lingere.

SAS legend Andy, 45, says some of the undies will be in camouflage pattern — and added: “This isn’t a joke.”

This is a sad day and it becomes even worse when you find out the name of his brand - Who Bares Wins.

I am thinking about changing my hero from Andy McNabb to Daniel from Karate Kid.