About to get plaster off for the first time since the operation.... exciting
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Something to think about
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If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
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If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales looklike the way they do?
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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants?
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Why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on?
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Do you wake up or open your eyes first?
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If someone's peeing and halfway through they die, would they keep pissing or stop?
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Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?
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Why do we push harder on the remote control when we knowthe battery is dead?
Monday, December 12, 2005
One thing I HATE ! !
There are not many things that I hate in the world. Tonight I discovered something that I hate.
I had a great bath and shave and everything was going so well. I put on some aftershave to get that stinging effect that makes you feel cleaner. I put on my clothes and headed to my room. Oh I forgot to put on some deodorant. I went back into the bathroom grabbed my spray, stuck it up my t-shirt only to find that I in fact hadn’t lifted my deodorant but I had actually lifted my Shaving Gel. Gross........ It is a new can of Gel so the speed that it comes out is quicker than the speed of light so by the time I realised what was heppening it was too late. I had to carefully take off my new clean t-shirt and clean up the mess. Not Impressed. I was covered.
Once again I prove that I must read the labels.
I had a great bath and shave and everything was going so well. I put on some aftershave to get that stinging effect that makes you feel cleaner. I put on my clothes and headed to my room. Oh I forgot to put on some deodorant. I went back into the bathroom grabbed my spray, stuck it up my t-shirt only to find that I in fact hadn’t lifted my deodorant but I had actually lifted my Shaving Gel. Gross........ It is a new can of Gel so the speed that it comes out is quicker than the speed of light so by the time I realised what was heppening it was too late. I had to carefully take off my new clean t-shirt and clean up the mess. Not Impressed. I was covered.
Once again I prove that I must read the labels.
Worth a look
This is a website of a friend of mine. It is worth taking a look to read his article called Life in Belfast and Northern Ireland.
i have even been so kind as to provide you with a link. www.itsjaymac.blogspot.com
check it out and make sure you come back to pk's site
i have even been so kind as to provide you with a link. www.itsjaymac.blogspot.com
check it out and make sure you come back to pk's site
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I need a new HERO !
It is a sad day in the life of a person when you have to consider changing who your hero is. For years my hero has been Andy McNabb. For those of you who don’t know about Andy McNabb I will tell you a little about him.
Andy McNab joined the infantry as a boy soldier. In 1984 he was 'badged' as a member of 22 SAS, and was involved in both covert and overt special operations worldwide. The motto of the SAS being Who Dares Wins. During the Gulf War he commanded Bravo Two Zero, a patrol that, in the words of his commanding officer, "will remain in regimental history forever."
He has been awarded the Distinguished Conduct Medal (DCM) and the Military Medal (MM), Andy McNab was also the British Army's most highly decorated serving soldier at the time that he left the SAS in February 1993.
He is also a known for being an amazing writer where he has written many books, Bravo Two Zero, Immediate Action are a few. I am not writing this to show you my knowledge of this guy (or that I know how to work Google) but rather what a great guy he is / was.
Yesterday I was reading the paper and I came across an article that has slightly tainted my view of him. He is now coming out with his own brand of clothing, not macho as you would think or hope but he has produced his own line of Ladies Lingere.
SAS legend Andy, 45, says some of the undies will be in camouflage pattern — and added: “This isn’t a joke.”
This is a sad day and it becomes even worse when you find out the name of his brand - Who Bares Wins.
I am thinking about changing my hero from Andy McNabb to Daniel from Karate Kid.
Andy McNab joined the infantry as a boy soldier. In 1984 he was 'badged' as a member of 22 SAS, and was involved in both covert and overt special operations worldwide. The motto of the SAS being Who Dares Wins. During the Gulf War he commanded Bravo Two Zero, a patrol that, in the words of his commanding officer, "will remain in regimental history forever."
He has been awarded the Distinguished Conduct Medal (DCM) and the Military Medal (MM), Andy McNab was also the British Army's most highly decorated serving soldier at the time that he left the SAS in February 1993.
He is also a known for being an amazing writer where he has written many books, Bravo Two Zero, Immediate Action are a few. I am not writing this to show you my knowledge of this guy (or that I know how to work Google) but rather what a great guy he is / was.
Yesterday I was reading the paper and I came across an article that has slightly tainted my view of him. He is now coming out with his own brand of clothing, not macho as you would think or hope but he has produced his own line of Ladies Lingere.
SAS legend Andy, 45, says some of the undies will be in camouflage pattern — and added: “This isn’t a joke.”
This is a sad day and it becomes even worse when you find out the name of his brand - Who Bares Wins.
I am thinking about changing my hero from Andy McNabb to Daniel from Karate Kid.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Worst time to sneeze
Today I came to the conclusion that I know the worst place to sneeze. It is official the worst place to sneeze is when you are working as a monitor in a GCSE exam, the exam taking place in school gym with 70 people being very quiet.
I can think of something worse. Sneezing 3 times in a row. It sucked.
I can think of something worse. Sneezing 3 times in a row. It sucked.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Kids - You gotta love em
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
* * * * * * * * * *
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
* * * * * * * * * *
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
* * * * * * * * * *
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
* * * * * * * * * *
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
Friday, November 18, 2005
You won't believe me!
You may have noticed that I have been quite brown recently. I have the answer.
No I have not been using a sunbed. No I have not been lying in the sun. No I have not been using fake tan.
I was sitting in the house the other night watching TV and the stupid advertisements came on. I usually hate advertisements but this time it proved to be rather helpful.
On came an advertisement for a body lotion. And then it hit me. I have been using the same lotion. What I wasn't aware of was that it is called Boots Holiday Sun. Yes this lotion includes something that makes you seem like you are just back from holiday. I am not just back from holiday so therefore I should not be looking like I am just back from holiday.
Funny but sad. I thought that I had learnt my lesson until 4 nights later.
I decided that I wanted to wash my face. (Sometimes I do this) I went to the bathroom and filled the sink full of nice warm water. I looked around for some face wash as I didn't want to use regular soap. I looked at the cabinet and found one that said face on it. I grabbed it, opened the lid and put a healthy blob into the palm of my hand. I worked it into a rather great lather and applied it to my face. I then put my hands in the sink got them wet and continued to wash my face.
It was then that I realised that I had not used face wash but in fact i had used face moisturising lotion. The lotion and the water had created an oily paste and was sticking to my face. I struggled to turn on the tap but I struggled to do this as my hands were so slippy. I washed and washed and no matter how much water I used it wouldn't come off my hands. What was I going to do with my face? It was still thick with paste. Water wasn't going to work. I had to grab the towel and wipe it off. It took me quite a while to not only wash my face but to tidy up the bathroom with the oily, thick nasty paste that had seemed to end up everywhere.
The lesson I learnt this week. Fully read the labels on products that you use.
Jonathan Jordan - The Big Day
The wedding
So my brother is finally married. This was one of the main reasons that I came home from Canada (other than the fact that the government was demanding it). It was a great day and lots of fun was had by all.
Being the best man (obviously) I had the honour of looking after the groom, holding the rings and giving a speech to round off the day. I didn’t really have to look after the groom that much as he is a big boy and I trusted that he knew what he was doing.
With regards the ring I did not trust myself to hold them. I have pretty much lost everything that I own at least once. This was not the best day for this to happen. To help me I had the help of Andrew Gibson. He stood next to me and just before the minister asked for them he passed them to me in stealth like motion. Smooth. Nobody knew.
And the speech. Where do I start? We arrived at the reception and I had a few minutes to myself so I decided to get out my speech to have a quick read over it. I opened the page and I stared in disbelief. I hadn’t brought the speech with me. I had with me the behaviour report of the 12 year old boy that I look after in the School I work in. Oh Crap.
To be honest I wasn’t nervous at all. And when it came to the speech I just wung it. Nothing prepared, and to be honest I can’t remember much of what I said (and it wasn’t because of the wine) but it seemed to go down well. There was plenty of laughs and I think I passed the occasion. Being at Muskoka Woods as much as I have means that speaking in front of large groups is not a problem to me.
Below are some pics of the occasion.
So my brother is finally married. This was one of the main reasons that I came home from Canada (other than the fact that the government was demanding it). It was a great day and lots of fun was had by all.
Being the best man (obviously) I had the honour of looking after the groom, holding the rings and giving a speech to round off the day. I didn’t really have to look after the groom that much as he is a big boy and I trusted that he knew what he was doing.
With regards the ring I did not trust myself to hold them. I have pretty much lost everything that I own at least once. This was not the best day for this to happen. To help me I had the help of Andrew Gibson. He stood next to me and just before the minister asked for them he passed them to me in stealth like motion. Smooth. Nobody knew.
And the speech. Where do I start? We arrived at the reception and I had a few minutes to myself so I decided to get out my speech to have a quick read over it. I opened the page and I stared in disbelief. I hadn’t brought the speech with me. I had with me the behaviour report of the 12 year old boy that I look after in the School I work in. Oh Crap.
To be honest I wasn’t nervous at all. And when it came to the speech I just wung it. Nothing prepared, and to be honest I can’t remember much of what I said (and it wasn’t because of the wine) but it seemed to go down well. There was plenty of laughs and I think I passed the occasion. Being at Muskoka Woods as much as I have means that speaking in front of large groups is not a problem to me.
Below are some pics of the occasion.
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